Plans for the new Jay Leno Show

Jay Leno was “on” right off the bat, responding to some summer news he’d missed during his little hiatus at today’s NBC Television Critics Association press day for his new primetime show, The Jay Leno Show.

Michael Jackson’s death and Sarah Palin’s resignation were addressed, to which he quipped, “Those two go hand-in-hand.” He continued, “I felt bad obviously, but then again, the Palin thing cheered me up.” Alright, he definitely hasn’t lost his touch during the past few months.

And, there’s more…

So what will The Jay Leno Show bring to NBC? The “x-factor” is more comedy and tons of recognizable correspondents on board like D.L. Hughley, who will report on politics. “D.L. in D.C., no less,” teased Jay. Mikey Day, of Kath & Kim fame, and Rachael Harris, from this spring’s movie giant, The Hangover, will be around, too, as will comedian Jim Norton and The Dan Band.

NBC Nightly News host Brian Williams, who showcased his comedic talent as host of Saturday Night Live this season, has also signed on to host a small segment (which sounds brills!) tentatively titled, “Stories That Weren’t Good Enough for Nightly News.”

Other changes? Jay’s svelte new physique, for one. “I’ve been running four miles everyday—lost 12 pounds, thank you very much,” bragged Leno. There’ll be no desk and each show will have one, maybe two guests, where they’ll be “out of their chairs” so to speak. Classic Jay still exists though, including Jaywalking and Headlines.

The Jay Leno Show debuts Sept. 14 on NBC at 10 p.m.

Mancow Waterboarded

Conservative radio host Mancow decided to see if waterboarding was truly torture on his show today. He lasted a whole 6 seconds before deciding that it was. Anybody who knows anything about Mancow in the Morning knows that he’s a failed Howard Stern wannabe shock jock, who has taken on a conservative approach to appeal to listeners and make a bigger name for himself.

I guess stunts like this is how he plans on getting more exposure. Notice the papparazzi like crowd who just happened to be videotaping from every angle. Well I guess as a blogger I am feeding into exactly what Mancow wants – free publicity. But seeing the douche waterboarded makes it worth it, couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

Jimmy Fallon & Jim Breuer: Dueling Ozzy’s

Jimmy Fallon was on Jim Breuer’s SiriusXM show and the two broke out into dueling Ozzy Osbourne impressions, Fallon is far exceeding most expectations of him and has proven to be a pretty funny guy after all.

Lindsay Lohan on E-Harmony

The boys at Funny or Die have done it again. Lindsay Lohan made a spoof e-harmony video that makes light of her current break up with DJ Samantha Ronson. This is a must watch, and it’s safe to say that my application is already being faxed over.

Incredibad – “Like A Boss”

New hit single from Andy Samberg and the boys in Incredibad. Check it out:

Best Video of 08

The best video of ’08 took a while to appear, just 15 days before the end of the year.  But it was well worth the wait.  President George W. Bush is in Iraq doing his farewell tour, and an Iraqi reporter took the opportunity to throw two of his boots at the Prez.  I was surprised he got to throw the second boot, looks like the secret service was unprepared and late to the party.  I do think Bush handled it well, but its scary to think that someone could have possibly thrown 2 possible shoe bomb’s at our president without being stopped.  Food for thought on maybe upping procedures when Obama comes into office.

Macys Parade Gets RickRolled

I fucking hate this viral video shit with Rick Astley “Never Gonna Give You Up.” Now this nobody has his own float in a parade? When I’ve got my trousers around my ankles and a handfull of Jergen’s watching some thonged skank shake her dumper in front of a webcam, it is neither funny nor amusing when I am interrupted by this unappealing load singing a catchy little tune. I guess the idea was to get bloggers such as myself to talk about it, but it was a damn shame the terrorists didnt decide to drop an H bomb on that street….now THATS a viral video.

Craigslist

So I thought to myself, why cruise Craigslist for hookers when I can let them find me?  I decided to make a post on Craigslist and we all know nothing attracts a classy broad more than brutal honesty.  I’m not the type to put up a pic thats heavily photoshopped or to write myself up to be a big shot at a law firm when I’m really cleaning cages at a pet store.  I’ll tell a girl like it is because I have that type of respect for women.  So here it is, my first foray into craigslist and I can now sit back and wait for the responses to pile up in my inbox.  Picking up a dominican single mother of 3 with c section scars and a 3rd grade education has never been easier:

 (strictly platonic) Ladies Read This You Won’t Regret It I Promise – m4w‏ (the key to any good Craigslist post is a title that will stand out but not seem too desperate) 

Reply to: pers-919609038@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-11-14, 8:59PM EST

How would you like a slightly chubby, semi neurotic, emotionally damaged male to come over and climb on top of you giving you 2-3 minutes of pure ecstasy before finishing and rolling over only to watch all of your dvr’ed episodes of desperate housewives?  (fellows you can’t hold back any punches, if you’ll be leaving stains on her sheets before she’s even entered the room than you should be upfront and honest so she’ll know to lay down some plastic, also its good to detail some after sex activities because the akward silence or falling asleep on her couch with your pants around your ankles may not convince her for “seconds”)

After sex one person is always left disapointed, but girls, fortunately its never been me. (this is a line I tell every female in my life, my aunt really appreciated it)

Now I know you’re wondering why I put this in strictly platonic if I’m asking for sex but you must know its surely a clever rouse so I can innocently come over and chat you up until I slip enough GHB in your drink to paralyze a rhinocerous.  (now this is cyber dating 101, always tell a girl why you are posting in the friends only zone but looking to have her use your asshole like a parapalegic eating ice cream, don’t forget to add a timely amount of date rape humor which never killed anyone’s libido now did it? ski mask is optional)

If any of the above sounds like a reasonable way to get through a humid and dull weekend then you know what to do. And yes, this is real, surely no bot would admit to watching Desperate Housewives  (once again, reassure her you’re the real deal and that this is not some type of spam message, this will make sure you get timely responses from interested women, also including the weather is a great conversation starter to make you sound normal when you first meet which drastically reduces the chances of getting maced)

There you have it boys, don’t say this site didn’t teach you anything and for any ladies that are reading this you can mosey on over to the contact me section and we’ll be glass bottom boating in no time.