Craigslist

So I thought to myself, why cruise Craigslist for hookers when I can let them find me?  I decided to make a post on Craigslist and we all know nothing attracts a classy broad more than brutal honesty.  I’m not the type to put up a pic thats heavily photoshopped or to write myself up to be a big shot at a law firm when I’m really cleaning cages at a pet store.  I’ll tell a girl like it is because I have that type of respect for women.  So here it is, my first foray into craigslist and I can now sit back and wait for the responses to pile up in my inbox.  Picking up a dominican single mother of 3 with c section scars and a 3rd grade education has never been easier:

 (strictly platonic) Ladies Read This You Won’t Regret It I Promise – m4w‏ (the key to any good Craigslist post is a title that will stand out but not seem too desperate) 

Reply to: pers-919609038@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-11-14, 8:59PM EST

How would you like a slightly chubby, semi neurotic, emotionally damaged male to come over and climb on top of you giving you 2-3 minutes of pure ecstasy before finishing and rolling over only to watch all of your dvr’ed episodes of desperate housewives?  (fellows you can’t hold back any punches, if you’ll be leaving stains on her sheets before she’s even entered the room than you should be upfront and honest so she’ll know to lay down some plastic, also its good to detail some after sex activities because the akward silence or falling asleep on her couch with your pants around your ankles may not convince her for “seconds”)

After sex one person is always left disapointed, but girls, fortunately its never been me. (this is a line I tell every female in my life, my aunt really appreciated it)

Now I know you’re wondering why I put this in strictly platonic if I’m asking for sex but you must know its surely a clever rouse so I can innocently come over and chat you up until I slip enough GHB in your drink to paralyze a rhinocerous.  (now this is cyber dating 101, always tell a girl why you are posting in the friends only zone but looking to have her use your asshole like a parapalegic eating ice cream, don’t forget to add a timely amount of date rape humor which never killed anyone’s libido now did it? ski mask is optional)

If any of the above sounds like a reasonable way to get through a humid and dull weekend then you know what to do. And yes, this is real, surely no bot would admit to watching Desperate Housewives  (once again, reassure her you’re the real deal and that this is not some type of spam message, this will make sure you get timely responses from interested women, also including the weather is a great conversation starter to make you sound normal when you first meet which drastically reduces the chances of getting maced)

There you have it boys, don’t say this site didn’t teach you anything and for any ladies that are reading this you can mosey on over to the contact me section and we’ll be glass bottom boating in no time.